We had applied for a Lifesong orphan loan and found out yesterday that we did not get it. Yesterday was a really hard day, I got discouraged just about everything with the adoption. I started getting frantic about how we are going to come up with this money. Questioning why on earth adoption has to be so expensive. I don't like the thought of paying for a child, it seems so wrong. But that is how it is and we will not give up on Iryna. Our kids are tracked out of school right now and today we went to the beach, just the boys and I. I sat in amazement just watching them play. They were building sandcastles, finding little rocks, which Dillon thought were shark teeth, splashing me with water. I thought about how this is what kids are supposed to do, to explore there world around there parents love. How proud Dillon felt showing me his "shark teeth". I thought about how badly I want this for Iryna to be part of a family to have someone , awe in wonder at all her little findings, to be loved unconditionally, to be a kid. So I am determined to climb a million mountains to make this happen. I won't say I am not getting weary at times, but I do know that God is right there walking through this with us, we just need to follow him.