Monday, April 26, 2010
It's about 1 am right now and I am at the hospital working overnight. I feel like I do some of my deepest thinking the later it gets. Today well yesterday was my birthday and a hard day. First off my mom had been here for a week visiting and went back home this morning. This is also my first birthday with out my dad and I miss him like crazy. Just the thought of him gives me a huge lump in my throat. i would do anything to just hug him again. I was also pretty irritated with my husband over the stupidest things. i came down stairs to dishes all over ect, and kind of just lost it. We then began arguing somewhat over money, because at this moment money is very tight. Instead of picking up overtime at work like I thought, the hospital is actually cutting back and I find myself being cancelled as much as I am working. It progressed to him saying than mayby we shouldn't be putting all this money we don't have into adoption. It then came to us both feeling bad about this and realizing yes we are sacrificing a little but it is so worth it and we wouldn't want to do it any other way. We are still waiting to hear on a loan but with each passing day I am becoming more and more nervous. we have such a short period to come up with all this money. And as i sit at work with some down time, I caught myself questioning what we are doing. How on earth are we going to find the money to complete this? The stress is becoming overwhelming. But I sit back and remember what and who we are doing this for and do not want to lose site of that for one minute. Iryna deserves everything, especially the love of a family. And I have to remember God is in control of all this, he knows how he will see this through. The very human side of me can not help but worry though. Worry if this is the right thing, worry about HIV, worry about fiancial problems, pretty much everything. But I feel this driving force and know we are doing the right thing, I know it is God who is guiding us. How could we turn away from that. Please if you are reading this pray for us, for Iryna, and for this adoption. for us to find a way to overcome this financial burden so we can get our girl home. OK I better get back to work, thanks for listening/reading!