{{{{{{{{{hugs to her}}}}}}}}}
Friday, April 30, 2010
Iryna
I know these are small pics, but they are so sweet. I tried to enlarge them but couldn't. She looks like she needs a huge hug.
We had applied for a Lifesong orphan loan and found out yesterday that we did not get it. Yesterday was a really hard day, I got discouraged just about everything with the adoption. I started getting frantic about how we are going to come up with this money. Questioning why on earth adoption has to be so expensive. I don't like the thought of paying for a child, it seems so wrong. But that is how it is and we will not give up on Iryna. Our kids are tracked out of school right now and today we went to the beach, just the boys and I. I sat in amazement just watching them play. They were building sandcastles, finding little rocks, which Dillon thought were shark teeth, splashing me with water. I thought about how this is what kids are supposed to do, to explore there world around there parents love. How proud Dillon felt showing me his "shark teeth". I thought about how badly I want this for Iryna to be part of a family to have someone , awe in wonder at all her little findings, to be loved unconditionally, to be a kid. So I am determined to climb a million mountains to make this happen. I won't say I am not getting weary at times, but I do know that God is right there walking through this with us, we just need to follow him.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Hard Day
It's about 1 am right now and I am at the hospital working overnight. I feel like I do some of my deepest thinking the later it gets. Today well yesterday was my birthday and a hard day. First off my mom had been here for a week visiting and went back home this morning. This is also my first birthday with out my dad and I miss him like crazy. Just the thought of him gives me a huge lump in my throat. i would do anything to just hug him again. I was also pretty irritated with my husband over the stupidest things. i came down stairs to dishes all over ect, and kind of just lost it. We then began arguing somewhat over money, because at this moment money is very tight. Instead of picking up overtime at work like I thought, the hospital is actually cutting back and I find myself being cancelled as much as I am working. It progressed to him saying than mayby we shouldn't be putting all this money we don't have into adoption. It then came to us both feeling bad about this and realizing yes we are sacrificing a little but it is so worth it and we wouldn't want to do it any other way. We are still waiting to hear on a loan but with each passing day I am becoming more and more nervous. we have such a short period to come up with all this money. And as i sit at work with some down time, I caught myself questioning what we are doing. How on earth are we going to find the money to complete this? The stress is becoming overwhelming. But I sit back and remember what and who we are doing this for and do not want to lose site of that for one minute. Iryna deserves everything, especially the love of a family. And I have to remember God is in control of all this, he knows how he will see this through. The very human side of me can not help but worry though. Worry if this is the right thing, worry about HIV, worry about fiancial problems, pretty much everything. But I feel this driving force and know we are doing the right thing, I know it is God who is guiding us. How could we turn away from that. Please if you are reading this pray for us, for Iryna, and for this adoption. for us to find a way to overcome this financial burden so we can get our girl home. OK I better get back to work, thanks for listening/reading!
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Thinking
I've been thinking about everything, praying that God guides us on this journey. I can not wait to meet Iryna. I am scared, nervous, happy just a ball of emotions rolled into one. I pray that God gives us the courage and all the love to parent another child, that he keeps Iryna safe until we can get there. I am trying very hard not to let anxiety get the best of me. To realize this is all in God's time not mine. As a nurse to do my job well I have to be somewhat of a control freak to be able to accomplish everything. This sometimes spills over very easily into my life and I find myself trying to micromanage everything, something I don't like to do. I have been praying though to not be desperate, to not be anxious and for the first time in a long time I am at peace with that. For me, if you know me that is amazing. Although work can get very stressful sometimes and very sad. I love bieng a nurse though and my job has humbled me so much. It also is a constant reminder to not take things for granted. To thank God for everything he has given us.
Dillon's "Pa" angel
As i posted before my Dad passed away unexpectedely this past December. He was a healthy wonderful man, father and Pa. My boys have been so blessed to have had him constantly in there life. this is there first death and it is very hard for them to understand why he had to jut die. He was not ever sick. He happened to get the horrible H1N1 virus and had a three week struggle but in the end went home to God. We were fortunate enough to have a few weeks at his bedside before he passed. My boys constantly talk about him, whenever we talk about family and names come up, they are the first to add Pa if it has not been said. Dillon had a very special relashonship with my Dad. During my two years of Nursing school my dad would watch him every day. Many days I would drive up to find them wandering around outside, with my Dad just following Dillon everywhere. My Dad was such a gentle man and always just did what ever made you happy. as evidenced by hours of just following Dillon around outside. Well Dillon drew these little angel pictures of my dad and posted them up. It really touched my heart. I scanned one , it is a little dirty from all the handling but to me there are no words of how precious this is from my six year old.
Another Quote
I Just got this as an e-mail and love it.
Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.
Michaels familia
I know I have gone completely picture crazy. But hopefully those who don't know us well can get a feel for our and Iryna's new family. Here are pics of michael family.
More pics
Ok I know I am getting a little picture crazy, but here are some more of my family. My brother, his wife Krystle, and there sweet baby MJ. My sisters husband Jason and a few more family pics.
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