Arabella

At last

At last Arabella is finally with her family, well her dad right now and the rest of us hopefuylly by Thursday evening. She will never again spend a night alone or without the love of a mom, dad and two brothers. We are beyond greatful for everyone on this journey that has helped make this happen. But mostly greatful to God for putting us on this path and helping us climb every mountain and open every door. This has undoubtly brought me to deeper levels of faith and a closer relationship with Jesus. I feel forever changed and am so, so greatful.

Update

There is so much I want to say, so many emotions swirling. I have a big huge post I want to write but have not been able to put it in words yet. I feel a level of gratitude and emotion I have yet to had in my life. I have felt God work in ways in myself I have never thought possible. My heart has been touched by all these children and stories in such a way that I am saddend but yet greatful. The blogs and stories I have read have been heart wrenching and have touched me to my very soul that i can not help but want to do more. To scream out for these children, to beg for them to also find families. To beg of anyone that can to open there hearts and homes especially to the ones that are considered by the harsh society we all live in to be "less than perfect". But for now this is all I can put in to words.

Court Passed

We just had our court date and passed!!!!!! We are so happy!!!! So we begin the ten day wait now. We will be heading home tommorrow morning so any prayers for safe travels would be appreciated. Then Michael will return Nov 22 to complete everything and bring home Arabella. So happy and so thankful to God =)))))) I will post more pictures once we get home!

More Pics

Some more pics =)))) Once I have more time and quicker computer I am going to try to blog back tracking from our flight on our day to day process/trip. Both the boys and Michael have been sick, but are now better. I really hope I do not get it. We found out today that in Arabella's (Evelyn's) group the caretakers call her Ella as a nickname and she responds to it. It even sounds like the way we would pronounce it. So as we are changing her name to Arabella, we decided as a nickname we will call her Ella. She is already used to being called that so it will be one less change for her. We are shocked with her attention span. She will sit and look at a book for about 20 minutes, literally. She seems very calm but very curious. Please all pray hard about the voting about adoptions in this country. We recently found out they passed the first of 2 votes to I guess ratify adoption here. Which would in turn stop adoptions here temorarily or who knows for how long. In US Gov website it states that it looks like it will also include suspension of people in process now. This law in general will greatly effect the children. There are so many loving families in the process or starting the process to come adopt these children. With out going into much detail I will say it is emergent that some of these children get home and quickly. The need is critical. Bieng here and seeing this is truly life changing, like nothing I have ever seen before. i have been to others countries and seen adoption ect but never really taken it in like this. These children penetrate to your soul and the longing and desperation in there eyes is life impacting. Life is VERY tough and to say we are fortunate is a huge, huge understatement. I pray that as all this resonates with me it stays with me. That I don't go home and quickly fall into the all to familiar state of consumption and poor me and my poor life. Because I am blessed beyond means and measures that are to difficult to put into words. As an American we are very used to things coming easy and smoothly. We have made friends with an Italian couple here and they have told us also how much easier the adoption is for Americans. We come in and have a much easier and quicker process. Whether this is true or not I don't know, but to them this appears to be the case. We have also met a very nice couple here from Madrid that are adopting. Sorry I went on there there is just SO much emotion to all this and I wish i could write openly so much more. But for now we pray to have court and get home and in return back to get Ella very soon. This will be her first Christmas home and with Santa, how amazing for us to be able to witness this. She has the cutest expression when she is suprised, she will look sideways at you with the BRIGHTEST and most BLUE eyes I have ever seen and her eyes appear to just sparkle, literally. She is loving having the boys and she will also have a little cousin MJ close in age to her. Ok I just went on again, Sorry. Enjoy the pics =)))))

Pics, Pics, Pics

Finally figured out how to put pics on blog from here!!!! We are loving Arabella (Evelyn), She is very sweet, but has a bad cold right now =(. We are hoping to have court this Thursday and head home Friday, please pray that all the paperwork is in place. This will greatly move the process along. We have met an Italian and Spanish family here adopting little boys that are both 2! I have lot's more pics and will post more later. Thank you for following and all prayers =)))))))))))))

Arabella

Enjoying

We have finally met Evelyn, and she is so sweet =)) Very, very cute, smart and observant. She seems to be pretty calm. All the children at the orphanage are so beautiful. The apartment we are staying in is really nice and we have a Mcdonalds close by which our boys love. So the court date is scheduled for November 11th, as long as interpol clearances are in. Please pray for us on this, we really want to get our boys home and also this will mean Evelyn will get home quicker. I can not post pictures for some reason but am going to try to fugur out how to later. Thanks for following =)))))))

Update

This is going to be quick because I keep losing internet. Our service has been very sketchy here, but we got the referral of Evelyn ;)))) We are headed to our region by overnight train with Yulia and our boys right now. The train ride is such an experience and the boys are loving it. The food here is also really good. We were able to meet up with Sara Summers, and Mellisa lorenz and go out to dinner, it was lots of fun =)))) I have so much to write but am afraid I will lose the connection. Hopefully in region we will have better internet and I can upload pictures to. We can not wait to meet Evelyn tommorrow. Thanks to all for following this blog and any comments!!!!! Will update soon!!!!

Finally

I can not beleive it, we have an appointment November 2, 2010 at the SDA. This moment seemed as if it would never come, I think part of me beleived it wouldn't. Adoption has been part of our lives for so long now, and with it has come great loss and great happiness. I have questioned and prayed time and time again for God's will in all of this. I have tried to close doors and walk away at times but every road has led me back here. And in the process of this I have learned so much and so much about myself. I have also felt my relashonship with God deepen to depths I have never felt possible. Adoption is not for the weak of heart, the emotional bumps along the way are huge as will the big bump my family will feel when the dynamics once again change. But i beleive God has put us right were we are supposed to be, I have felt so weary along the way and leaned on him for all things, finding more comfort than I have ever known in that.

I worked over night last night and came home to an e-mail from my wonderful facilitator here saying that we have an appointment at the SDA (State Dept of Adoptions in Eastern Europe) on November 2. In a heartbeat I felt the anxiety creep up and fear take over. This was supposed to be the most joyous moment but I instantly let my human fear take over. In two short weeks we need to be across the world to meet a little girl that is so unaware at the changes that are about to take place in her world. Not only that I started thinking of my own two boys and all the changes there world is about to take. So all I could do is pray, pray for comfort, strength and guiadance. And as I did this the calmness and joy started to creep in and assure me that all was right and ok. I want to write so much more but I am exhausted after working all night last night and am getting ready to go do it again tonight. So for now I leave you a sweet little picture of Evelyn =)))

Adoption

I have had a lot of time to contemplate our adoption plans. I have had just about everyone think we are crazy. It is so hard to explain to people when you feel led to something. How do you put into words what God has put into your heart. How also do you not listen to that or turn your back on the path you feel you are supposed to be on. I am a very passionate and intense person. I also think as passionate and intense as I am< I am also very, very level headed. I try to think of every angle, mayby to much so. With adoption over the years I have done that. Sure we could have another biological baby, infact I think in the beginning my husband would have wanted that. Sure we could also forget about adoption and just keep going with our lives. The thing is though every time I do that, I feel God speaking to me and nudging me right back on the path. And if I believe so deeply in GOD than how can I ignore that. But to explain that to most people that are not in the adoption community is very very hard. Yes I can understand and respect where they come from, but this is our dream and our calling. We are all here to fullfill different purposes some of us just don't know them yet. Yes life is chaotic, money is hardly ever flowing, no there is not a right time always, but the truth is the time is NOW. These kids don't have the time. We could wait and there would always be something. I know adoption won't be easy, I know it will change the dynamics of all our lives but it really is the least we can do. God has sacrificed so much for all of us yet we constantly find reason to complain and feel that life just hasn't given us enough. We could take all this time and money and put it into something else, something big mayby a vacation, mayby something else but my heart is not there. It is with these children. It breaks every time I think of the love they don't have, they don't see. So therefore you see, I know what it is we have to do, what we must do. And I thank God that he has put this on my heart, that he has touched me with the compassion to do something to help these children. And if the least we can do is give them love and a family to call there own, than I will be happy with that.

UPDATE

I am so sorry I have not blogged in a long time. We have had so much going on. So much happy and sad news. It has been very hard but we have lost the referral of Iryna. This has taken a long time to write about. She grew so huge in our hearts. With her bieng HIV + I quess we thought her chances of bieng adopted by another family were very small. For her though we are so happy, she no longer waits. We continue to follow GOD and his plans for us. We are bursting about the potential of our adoption plans but are very hesitant to become emotionally attached once again. I don't want to write to much about everything but please pray for our journey!!!

I met an amazingly kind women through Reeces Rainbow named Heather. She is an unbelievable advocate for all the waiting children. She was kind enough to put together this beautiful picture to help with our fundraising efforts for Iryna. Thank you Heather!!!!!!

Iryna

I have not blogged in a while, not because I have not wanted to but because progress has been slow. If i had it my way we would have had Iryna home yesterday but we continue to work very hard at getting her here. I have been thinking so much about adoption. When you set out to adopt I think regardless of what we/you hear your mind defaults to fairytale like thinking. You envision a homecoming and family that just melts together. You romanticize how perfect and sweet life will be with your child. I think it is so important though to try to keep perspective. When you do not do this you can be setting unrealistic expectations and the chance for a big fall. The truth is these children have been devoid of so much in life. They haven't had all the constants that are in most children's lives. They have gone through so much virtually alone. They have endured illness, lonliness, pain, even achievements all alone. They have not had a mom or dad to awe in amazement at there little accomplishments, to hold them when there hurt or sick. They have faced a cold hard world on there own and why should they trust anyone at this point. So it is a process to learn to be loved, to be in a family, and to know without a shadow of a doubt that there will be some constant in there lives, someone who will always be there for them. They may not just "love" us the minute they meet us. This type of love and bonding takes time and committment. You need to take a deep look and understanding of just what they have been through, what may have been a mountain of hurt and dissapointment in there little lives. So as we wait I try to keep this at the forefront, to know Iryna has already endured more than I can imagine. To know that it will take her time, and to give her and us all the time that it takes in this world to grow as a family.

I also had someone recently tell me it won't really make a difference adoptiong Iryna, there are millions of children waiting. Well let me tell you, to try to explain this to someone who just does not get it is very hard. How can you even begin to measure the worth on one person's life, there is no measurement. This will make all the difference in her life, in her world and in our world. If everyone thought that way would the millions of children home with there families even be there. Without going in to an extremely lengthy posting I can not even begin to tell you how deep my feelings are on this. To say the very least I feel so fortunate, so blessed about Iryna joining our family. How lucky and fortunate we will be.

How sweet are these pictures =)

My Boys

Handsome Bass and DD

E-mail

I received this the other day in an e-mail. I was feeling very weary about the adoption and our progress and this message really hit home. It really has nothing to do with my control, it is God alone who has the power to make this happen.

One Door Closes..Another Opens
Revelations 3:8

When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go, only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! 'The power of one sentence! God is going to shift things around for you today and let things work in your favor.. God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..

Grant/donations

We received some donations to our adoption fund. These donations were all made by people we do not know. That amazes me, the kindness of others, it is truly so touching. So if you are reading this and you made one of the donations, words can't really express our thanks. This really touches our hearts. Will keep you posted on our progress =) We also have applied for a grant through Gift of Adoption Fund we pray that we may be awarded this. This could be our key peice in bringing Iryna home. We are ready in every way except financially and Iryna as well as all these children deserve to be with a family yesterday. Thanks so much for following along with us=)

Prayers

As every one following this knows, money is our obstacle at this time. We just received our updated fingerprints and are ready to just go but are stuck. We yet again are applying for grants and loans to help us complete this. Please, please pray for divine intervention from God. He an he alone can see this through. Pray that he places it on the hearts of those that have it to give. Pray for us when we get weary about this and please pray for Iryna who sits over there without the love and warmth of a family. Thank you so much!

Prayers

I have been going back and forth in my head about what we are doing. Questioning if I am out of my mind. But how can giving a child a family be wrong in any way. It takes nothing to love someone. yes mayby financially this is not the right time to adopt. But is there ever a right time, will we ever be financially well off? I don't think so and if we have this in our hearts and follow God's desire for us then why is it wrong, you tell me? None of these children deserve to wait a minute longer, I can't imagine them waking up scared or sick and having no one. I also was thinking about myself and feel so fortunate. If you know me you know I am a very deep person, when I am passionate or determined about something there is no stoping me. I think my husband probably gets sick of my constant need to know the why of everything, to feel everything inside and out. I sometimes wonder though if I am extremely fortunate or if this is a burden. I feel things and emotions so deep, but not just for myself, for others. It affects me a lot at work, when someone is hurting emotionally or lonely I feel the ache, the catch in my throat. Sometimes it's overwhelming because i also have all my own hurts, worries ect. But I feel blessed to be able to feel emotions so deep, to me this is a gift and makes me feel so alive. I don't ever want to become just surface, the intensity of my emotions and feelings for others makes me who I am.

Just got this poem, Love it

The Chosen Heart

Longing for a child to love,

I'd wish upon the stars above.

In my heart I always knew,

A part of me was meant for you.

I think how happy we will be,

Once I adopt you, and you adopt me.

I dream of all the joy you'll bring,

Imagining even the littlest things.

The way it will feel to hold you tight,

And tuck you in every night.

The drawings on the refrigerator door,

And childhood toys across the floor.

The favorite stories read again and again,

And hours of games with make-believe friends.

The day you took my outstretched hand,

A journey ended, but our lives began.

Still mesmerized by your sweet face,

Still warmed inside by our first embrace.

I promised to give you a happy home,

And a loving family all your own.

A house you've now made complete,

With laughter, smiles, and tiny feet.

A parent is one who guides the way,

Know I will be there everyday.

Rest easy as each night you sleep,

A lifetime of love is yours to keep.

Longing for a child to love,

I'd wish upon the stars above.

In my heart I always knew,

A part of me belonged to you.

Puzzle Fundraiser

We are starting a puzzle fundraiser.
This puzzle jumped out at me. The little girl so reminds me of Iryna and the puzzle itself is beautiful. We will frame it when it's done and I can already see her little eyes gazing up at this puzzle. Please consider buying a piece, and
becoming a part of the journey to bring Iryna home. What a gift to her. We are
asking for $5 donations or any amount you feel drawn to donate. I know one day
when Iryna looks at all the names, how incredibly special she will feel knowing
that many people worked to get her here. It is a 1000 piece puzzle and we are
trying to sell every single piece, so please repost or spread this to all you
know that may be able to spare the $5.00. To donate just click the button on the right and donate there. Also please send me an e-mail so I can write your name on the back of the pieceand send you a picture of it. laurieramirez@...
Ok thank you so much, and please spread the word we need all the help we can to
get our little girl home. Thank you so much.
Laurie

Puzzle Fundraiser- Angel Kisses

News

Well not lots of news. We are slowly progressing due only to financial barriers. I so wish that we had all the money and could go get her. The truth though is we do not, but for Iryna I will climb every mountain rather than not give her the chance of having a family. Please keep praying for Iryna and us. Thanks and Goodnight :D

Family

I just want to say how much I love my family and how lucky Iryna will be to have them as a family and they her. I have read so many stories of families bieng so unsupportive. I feel so fortunate that my Mom and all my siblings are so supportive of this. They realize that this is our dream and will support and love us no matter what we do in life. For that I am so thankful. It means more to me than you could imagine.

Iryna

I know these are small pics, but they are so sweet. I tried to enlarge them but couldn't. She looks like she needs a huge hug.

{{{{{{{{{hugs to her}}}}}}}}}

Iryna

Be kinder than necessary,

Because everyone you meet

Is fighting some kind of battle.

We had applied for a Lifesong orphan loan and found out yesterday that we did not get it. Yesterday was a really hard day, I got discouraged just about everything with the adoption. I started getting frantic about how we are going to come up with this money. Questioning why on earth adoption has to be so expensive. I don't like the thought of paying for a child, it seems so wrong. But that is how it is and we will not give up on Iryna. Our kids are tracked out of school right now and today we went to the beach, just the boys and I. I sat in amazement just watching them play. They were building sandcastles, finding little rocks, which Dillon thought were shark teeth, splashing me with water. I thought about how this is what kids are supposed to do, to explore there world around there parents love. How proud Dillon felt showing me his "shark teeth". I thought about how badly I want this for Iryna to be part of a family to have someone , awe in wonder at all her little findings, to be loved unconditionally, to be a kid. So I am determined to climb a million mountains to make this happen. I won't say I am not getting weary at times, but I do know that God is right there walking through this with us, we just need to follow him.

PS22 Chorus "DON'T STOP BELIEVIN'" Journey

I just love these videos, they are so touching. These kids are so passionate, it is unbelievable. Beautiful to watch!

Remind me again why music shouldn't be in public school?

Hard Day

It's about 1 am right now and I am at the hospital working overnight. I feel like I do some of my deepest thinking the later it gets. Today well yesterday was my birthday and a hard day. First off my mom had been here for a week visiting and went back home this morning. This is also my first birthday with out my dad and I miss him like crazy. Just the thought of him gives me a huge lump in my throat. i would do anything to just hug him again. I was also pretty irritated with my husband over the stupidest things. i came down stairs to dishes all over ect, and kind of just lost it. We then began arguing somewhat over money, because at this moment money is very tight. Instead of picking up overtime at work like I thought, the hospital is actually cutting back and I find myself being cancelled as much as I am working. It progressed to him saying than mayby we shouldn't be putting all this money we don't have into adoption. It then came to us both feeling bad about this and realizing yes we are sacrificing a little but it is so worth it and we wouldn't want to do it any other way. We are still waiting to hear on a loan but with each passing day I am becoming more and more nervous. we have such a short period to come up with all this money. And as i sit at work with some down time, I caught myself questioning what we are doing. How on earth are we going to find the money to complete this? The stress is becoming overwhelming. But I sit back and remember what and who we are doing this for and do not want to lose site of that for one minute. Iryna deserves everything, especially the love of a family. And I have to remember God is in control of all this, he knows how he will see this through. The very human side of me can not help but worry though. Worry if this is the right thing, worry about HIV, worry about fiancial problems, pretty much everything. But I feel this driving force and know we are doing the right thing, I know it is God who is guiding us. How could we turn away from that. Please if you are reading this pray for us, for Iryna, and for this adoption. for us to find a way to overcome this financial burden so we can get our girl home. OK I better get back to work, thanks for listening/reading!

Me

Driving to get paperwork done, I am trying to be patient, it's very hard!!!!!!

Sweet Boys

MY Boys

Aren't there two girls missing!!!!!!

Thinking

I've been thinking about everything, praying that God guides us on this journey. I can not wait to meet Iryna. I am scared, nervous, happy just a ball of emotions rolled into one. I pray that God gives us the courage and all the love to parent another child, that he keeps Iryna safe until we can get there. I am trying very hard not to let anxiety get the best of me. To realize this is all in God's time not mine. As a nurse to do my job well I have to be somewhat of a control freak to be able to accomplish everything. This sometimes spills over very easily into my life and I find myself trying to micromanage everything, something I don't like to do. I have been praying though to not be desperate, to not be anxious and for the first time in a long time I am at peace with that. For me, if you know me that is amazing. Although work can get very stressful sometimes and very sad. I love bieng a nurse though and my job has humbled me so much. It also is a constant reminder to not take things for granted. To thank God for everything he has given us.

Dillon's "Pa" angel

As i posted before my Dad passed away unexpectedely this past December. He was a healthy wonderful man, father and Pa. My boys have been so blessed to have had him constantly in there life. this is there first death and it is very hard for them to understand why he had to jut die. He was not ever sick. He happened to get the horrible H1N1 virus and had a three week struggle but in the end went home to God. We were fortunate enough to have a few weeks at his bedside before he passed. My boys constantly talk about him, whenever we talk about family and names come up, they are the first to add Pa if it has not been said. Dillon had a very special relashonship with my Dad. During my two years of Nursing school my dad would watch him every day. Many days I would drive up to find them wandering around outside, with my Dad just following Dillon everywhere. My Dad was such a gentle man and always just did what ever made you happy. as evidenced by hours of just following Dillon around outside. Well Dillon drew these little angel pictures of my dad and posted them up. It really touched my heart. I scanned one , it is a little dirty from all the handling but to me there are no words of how precious this is from my six year old.

Another Quote

I Just got this as an e-mail and love it.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.
So love the people who treat you right.
Love the ones who don't just because you can.
Believe everything happens for a reason.
If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.
If it changes your life, let it.
Kiss slowly.
Forgive quickly.
God never said life would be easy.
He just promised it would be worth it.

Bassy

The Beach with Nana, Ker, me and the boys

Boys